What I am Listening to: I know- Fiona Apple
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10:46 pm

ok, I have hit the half anger I say half cause that is where I am, cause with a word, it would be gone.

but I am mad, he threw me away, when we had so much, could have been so much, and he threw it, me away... I feel so lost...

Yesterday i was feeling so out of control I gave in to her (Diva) I let her workout, til sweat poured from me, and my muscles screamed, ..and it felt so good, even that ache today feels good, I will go back in a day or two, just as the soreness is wearing away and do it again and go for the whole hour and not 45mins, I was telling someone I was chatting to about this he says I am going to grow addicted, I said so what I don't have any interest in anything else

it kind of funny, it is not that I am not turn on by sexual things I am I can watch porn and feel that I would love to have that release, but the thought of anyone else touching me right now, is very distastful

I only want him...and he doesn't want me

it kind of pisses me off.. when I tell other subs when I will even chat online, they are so jealous, they call him a fool, and say how long they haved looked, search, for just someone to serve, and they don't even hope, that she will love them, and I loved him, with everything in me........ and I feel nothing for them but saddness, that I have given my heart to someone who doesn't want it....

well, I will start out with working out 3 times a week, but I think in the end it will be 5, I have too much energy fo only 3.. after my workout yesterday i scubed the bathroom the old-fashion way, my body stoped me from doing more, I was in such pain, but it felt so good

I guess I have found a new way to release