What I am Listening to: "Hero" -Chad Kroeger & Josey Scott
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6:39 pm

I am so weird, I don't know if it is just the day which started out good I tis All Hallow's eve, as the sun was coming up, I did ritual as I baked a cherry pie

The pie was for a halloween party for a baking contest, but I wanted to improve my luck and that of my fave and ritual pie that is shared in good spirits was a good way to do this the pie came out perfect, and everyone loved it I even got second place in the contest, but now that party is over and I am thinking of what happened last night.

A guy I have been seing on and off super casual for that last 3 years called me and asked me basicly could me and him be a couple, I could still see other people. I so didn't want to this I didn't want to change it not with him in any case, and he asked me if I fear comment..

I do.... I have been disppointed so many times I don't have any faith in anyone I don't want even to try... there is amy fave, and I fully admit that I love him and in love with him, but do I have put any faith in that love? no I don't I can't, the min I do it will be over

As it would with any of those I love, I know you out there are saying that is not true, it is for me, and I don't have the faith to believe anymore, and there has never been anyone who wanted enough to have me believe, they just go, it is what they all do

Maybe that is my reason for BDSM it fills that need to live that illusion that they love me enough

I am not really fooled, but it is nice to live in that dream for a while

A Tip to those who read this, read the lyriecsto the song on this one it really says it all for me this night

"It's love that I'm sending to you
It isn't the love of a hero
And that's why I fear it won't do"