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9:18 am

well in chatting on the phone yesterday with my friend D gave me a lot to think about, more than I wrote about yesterday

and D you must have talked it up thatjob raise thing they are really doing it now there is a meeting on wed to explain that details to everyone, course it is about the same time as my access class so I will miss some of both but at least I got it now, and my boss is going to put off my yearly raise til after they do the big one so I can get both, yeah I have to wait for my money but I get more money in that end, and all at one time, since they have to back-date it from the time it was to be done which was DEC so I get a big hunk of money, at one time at a higher rate, so I think I will treat myself with a leather corset *grin*

anyway thanks for that chat I slept much better I am not going to worry...well over worry about puppy..there is nothing I can do any way I did do that one thing one of my friends told me I should have done a while back I read that cards on it...and they said too that things will work out, but not to worry too much it is not as bad as I think and to enjoy what is in front of me and to let go of past fears as they only hold me back from moving forward, so I am going to give it a try

and D you were right I can do it, I should not worry so much about not live up to things, I am as good as I think I am *grin* I need to stop doubting myself in things like that

Maybe I am a little arrogant, but maybe that is ok too if it helps one belive in one's self *smile*

it is one of my goals to meet this man (D) someday before I die.... it is too rare to met a guy who really lives up to what I always thought a guy should be, and granted maybe he it is just my idea of what they should be and not that real thing but, Damn he is close enough *grin*.. and if he is taken by that time I met him I will try very very very hard not to seduce him *grin*

ok one of that other thing he had me thinking about is fave, and I think maybe for the first time I think I understand something about not only how fave maybe views me, but about some others as well

fave sees me as this "good girl" kind of thing, that is not to say that I'm not, over all I think I am, but down deep in him good girls don't do some things, or some men see themslves as that ones to teach them these things, and nothing can truely be done to change that inside them cause that is a core belief

why I run into some guys who take one look at my pic and say to me "you can't be Dom" as if it has anything to do with how I look, and then there are other who think just cause I am not a bitch that I can't be Dom either

well news flash one can be nice, and sweet and Dom, I tell some that I most always get my way in things, what they don't realize is I will get my way anyway I need to....to make you think it was your idea is still getting my way,.. to charm you into it is still my way, yeah I could be a bitch about it, but one catches more bees with honey

well I have gotten off topic, but I am in the middle of a work day so I will talk about fave later in that day when I have a another break ciao