What I am Listening to: Do What You Have To Do Sarah McLachlan
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9:16 pm

Ok I know you read this, I know you have been here, I have stats, and I have seen one that looks like yours

You are so stupid you know!! You didn't have to lie to me.

Though I understand why you did, in the beginning, I probably would not have talked to you, but there is much water under the bridge

Did you tell her everything?

She found out before didn't she?

That is why you left then as well

Well I am going to tell you something that might shock you

I forgive you

She was there that night

Why you didn't talk

Why your cell is always off

Well you know what I am a realist

Maybe it won't work

I was just telling someone why I keep trying, with you

You want to know.... you are handsome... but I have had prettier.... it is not money.... I have other subs that buy me more (without asking me first)...I'm pagan.... other than keeping my lights on and feeling me and my cat.... ok a good leather corset is never turned down...it is not important

You were over J (fave) who gives me so much trouble of another sort

But the reason I am Domme, the reason I don't give up on you

What I want, what I need.. is to be someone whole world....

I can see now that I am not yours... but you know what,... every time you talked to me I could hear that I was in your voice, in your words.... that is how you made me feel

I went all the way to China chasing that feeling, only to find it gone when I got there... and I chasing you now for the same reason. Yes I am, and I might find it gone again

But you know what, I didn't regret going,

I am not trying to mess up your life you should know me better than that

But just to feel that way just once, to know that it can be that way

To know that just once in my whole life someone took what offered, even if they don't offer it back, took it and valued it, even if they couldn't keep it.. For that I go to the moon for.... and you know what, I excepted long ago that no one will love me that way I can love someone and I am ok with that, I know it exists

If for no other reason, then that fact I can feel it

So you stupid man let me point out a few things to you if I can maybe you bark don�t you think I could of helped you hide things better? But that is neither here nor there, also write me a letter, you can even send it to my job it is the same field as yours! Look it up you have the name or a can send you email from my work I always have my work address on it, a request for information

But a letter will do, just something saying something you have my address, hell you could show up at my door grin I had a dream that you did, and the guard made you wait

Mmm I think I will put that story in my home journal

But I don�t know if you even read this, not for sure, but this is my place to open

And since I am being so open I don�t know why I even want to say this, maybe I do just for myself I maybe cause I am more of the Good girl that J thinks I am than I want to be

I told you the age I lost it the total number is under 20 and I don�t mean 19 or 18, I mean fewer than 20