What I am Listening to: I know - Fiona Apple
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6:35 pm

ok I am in a deep depression, even though I have not given up full hope, but I still feel dumped, I been looking at all these dumped sites, reading that things they say, I even agree with most of them.. all but the get back out there part..fuck that!, I really don't want to.... in fact the one other time I was really in love I rebound, and it was bad..yuk... but the other time I was in love...as bad as it was I saw it coming, little by little all the fights, Aries men and Libra women.... not always bad, but air feeds fire you know

but this, I didn't see, we didn't have bad times, no fights, we didn't even disagree, we were friends.... and there was so much passion between us, it was a bit scary at times, I know it was for me..... we were talking of him coming to see me, then he was gone, at first I just thought he was busy with work, but after a week, I started to worry, then I started to think maybe he died and I didn't know I only have one number took me another week to find another number for him, and I didn't think that was him cause the age was wrong

but after a few days, I got the nerve to try, and it was him

I was so relieved, he was ok... I didn't know what to say... he didn't sound the same, not like the puppy I knew, he said he could talk, and to call his cell... I told him I had been calling his cell,...it was out of area all the time , then he said again that he really couldn't talk, and that he would call me I ask "promise?" he paused and said yes

I knew it was a lie, and he wouldn't

but I waited for it anyway

then about midnight I got a call, no one said anything, and they just hung up

that was that last I heard of him

at first I thought he's married!.... he could have just told me that,...but later I started to think, what if he is not, what if he just got scared over how intense it got?

I mean it scared me too

I don't know.. I know he might never come back, my gut feeling is that he will, if only to say goodbye

i'm sad yes, that will fade in time I know.. I will have other lovers...but this is what most don't get I won't have other loves, he was the love of my life, I don't want to love anyone else like that, for me it would take away from what it was... that is what I mean by that......

that really sad part is moving on...I don't really want to..... and I feel like a piece of fresh meat.... most have no idea how few lifestyle Dommes there are.... I am being over run, by those looking to take his place

even when I was with him I was turning them down left and right... I don't think of myself as pretty, but I know some find me so (that just makes it worst) J hads been a rock, he is recovering from food poisening.... but he is not really a sub

he is a Dom with s sub-side, so we play at times, well we did, puppy was really my only sub, the only one I wanted

I know he comes here and reads from time to time I don't know how much but I know he does

So whatever the reasons are that you went into hiding, it is ok, I forgive you, and I wish you love and sucess in what ever you seek, and if you should find yourself needing me again you always seek me out..

*smile* and if you ever just wanted to show up at my front door, I wouldn't turn you away..... no limits remember

I love you puppy... forever.