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3:12 pm

ok last night I was online and as I was feeling abit hormonal, I wasn't in th at best of moods, I was also feeling very lonely thinking the only thing I had to go home for was my cat,, who i do love... but it not the same as another person... then one of my online boys I'm not naming name as he knows who he is.. he has been having a hard week, and in the last few I have not seen much of him, which I was ok with , I mean we all have times like that... knowing my mood wasn't the best I wasn't going to take it out on him... I try very hard never to do that....

so he more of less asked if I would put him under I'm not sure he knew that is what he is asking, but I knew he was wanting that so i did... I didn't leave him under long or drag it out... but it was getting late and my mother stopped by asking if I wanted a ride home.. if I stayed and didn't take it that would mean walking half way home ... there are some nights when I don't have a choice in that but this wasn't one of them... it was cold out as well... so I said yes and brought him up out of trance.. now I admit I couldn't give him that aftercare that he truely needed... but then too be is always supper needy after a session anyway. I explain that I needed that ride home...

he then went into making me feel super guilty for leaving him.... I wasn't mad at first I just felt guilty, cause the truth was I didn't want to leve him its always hard to leave my boys after a session... what they don't realized if I don't have time to give them aftercare, that also mean I don't get it from them in return... and YES Doms need aftercare after a session.. as much as the sub.... he went one and on about how lost he feels when I am not there to guild him... then that is when I started to get a bit mad.. cause the truth is I'm alone all the time.. they hang up and go back to thier lives and I am just alone

If I were a Pro Domme and did it for money and they were just a client there would be not emotion... but i'm not and there is for me..

do they really think I can give this of myself and it costs me nothing? I know some of them don't like that they have to share me with other boys... when that truth of it is I would gladly like just have one... but if I let myself get so wrapped up in just one and I can't really have them, they don't know what that does to me.... well puppy does and he is not the one I speak of, he has been a very good boy of later he deserves a reward...

the one I speak of has a habit is making me mad at him... *smile* but he is lucky me being me I never stay mad long.. in fact I am over it... but he will learn that this is my world and he will learn my rules.. I rule here and no one else and he will never again put his wants over my safety I just won't stand for it....so LEARN IT!