What I am Listening to: SIN~NIN
0 Comment?

11:15 am

you know sometimes I am really dum... I don't see things that are right in front of me... I know that sometimes I just don't want to see them... cuase who wants to really know that that people you like don't really give a fuck about you...

yeah I didn't really want to see that... but I did know that... and I know that sometimes I pretend that its not true.. but I really should know better

but like I said sometimes I am really dum

one can ask what brought this on and I could say that is was that I got stood up last night, but that is not really true, cause I know for a fact that is not his style to do that so something big must of happened, I will call later when I get home his number is there to find out what...

it could have been my talk with a friend this morning about the holidays coming up I don't really like that holiday season.. its very depressing time of the year for me... you know its funny my sisters always complain that I buy myself too much around this time of year.. and that they have nothing to buy, which is so not true, they would never buy that stuff I really like I always get sweaters I would never in life wear.. I mean come on I am not a pink girl.. I always give it to goodwill... this year I am just going to stay home...

that came up as I was chatting with a subbie friens of my (not mine) who is the mother of 5... and she didn't like the fact that I don't really like them...

but that is not really it... I started thinking last night when I date didn't show about something my father always said... if he knew I would take that advice and use it on him he might now of said it, but he told me this when I was very young maybe 6 or so but I never forgot it....

he told me to people will always tell you a lot of things... words have power... but always watch what they do... for watching how they back up their words will always tell you true

That has always stay with me.. he was the most guilty of never backing up his words with his actions... and was the first to teach me how men lie... like I said if he knew I would have taken so to heart he might of never of told me....

And I started to think about the boys not about what you do, but about what you say you will do and then I wait for you not to do it... sometimes it just a little thing.. so small in that greater sceme of things... but each time you don't do something you said you would you kill my faith in you my trust.

but you know what I realized today? that you don't care if it does that, not all of you, but enough... and those of you that don't, do you really think I don't know that you are using me?..

I know

I'm not "that" dum.

But you know what, it ok, cause I see you for what you are.

I know

Here is a thought for you? and think hard on this, have I ever made a promise I didn't keep?

Think about that

now mind you I don't mean those of you who have said things and something or another came up... I mean this is life after all... I mean those of you who never do anything never say anything at all, you just leave it out there like I forgot,

I don't,

I just watch you

the short version of what I dad said is this:

"Action speak louder than words"

but he was talking to a 6yrs old, my dad is very smart, crazy, really crazy, but very smart.. so I learned at a early age how to deal...

never think you are fooling me, your not.. I just let it go