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5:25 pm

ok I have been trying to think all day on how to write this..

yesterday over all was a very good day I didn't get any work done, at work but I was talking to puppy most of the day so in my book is was a great day..

so is my problem with him? no... when he gives me problem they are always so big I end up in tears (shh don't anyone) no that is not it it not him

its Tgirl.. no he didn't really stand me up for a good reason but he has been in a bit of a panic.. he doesn't really want to be in a relationship, which was ok with me... for guys that are local I am just getting use to that.. so and when he asked the same thing yeah I was a bit disppointed but I was still trying to get over puppy at the time.. and not really to get into anything heavy, but I also didn't want a wham bam thank you ma'am either... not really know how I was a bit closed to him I guess.. very Dom just not open.. like I usually am.. and he asked about that.. well I saw that was not really a good way to be so I trying to be more open without going over board...

well it seems I didn't do a very good job in that either...

it seem that he got super nervous that I wanted more so he was gone for a month and the last I saw him was my birthday.. but it was two days after my birthday that puppy came back.. and I tend to get wrapped up in him when he is around.. so I didn't really think too much of it

I mean I care about tgirl he is my friend but I took him at his word on that relationship part.. and it seem he didn't really believe me.. but also it seem that other problem is that he started wanting more himself and that true more that anything I think scared the shit out of him...

then he dropped that bomb on me....

I didn't really respon to it much mainly cause I was floored.. it said it like it was a little thing but it wasn't really

playing for most subs is double for men is very sexualy exciting.. he told me the next two times he was playing with someone he didn't get excited, not sexually......

I could of asked a few more questions.. like:

If you you think of play with me again does it get you going?

could it be that they just were Dom enough?

I find that many say they are Dom but few really are.. I know that I am not just in that lifestyle just over all and I have been that way my whole life.. I know I am more than both of my parents.. though it took my a long time to really see that.. and to see that was really part of the problem...

but tgirl did ask one really hard question...

he asked me what do Doms really get out it?

I don't know how to answer that.

maybe I will think on it a while