What I am Listening to: at the fron desk so no music
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11:35 am

ok yesterday I got to chat with Tommy I haven't talk to him a long while I do miss him... we banter all the time.. and he has a way of picking at me that makes me just rire up for it, I know he does it on purpose... like some little evil bug gets into his head and says I wonder what I can say that will just bug her... though just to pick at him I sometimes pretend I don't get what he means and go off on a different rant than he wanted... but he is back to writing his book.. and I promise to read it cover to cover and "try" to enjoy it *grin* but if he puts sports into it other than baseball I it will be a long read *wicked grin*

all tommy is so much fun... he is like the crusty crab who likes to pretend how hard and strong he is.. not that hes not... but sometime I just want to hug him cause I know that will just melt him.. he has such a good heart

well in other news I realize that I have more of a addictive nature than I realized or maybe I just didn't want to know or face that... people always think you can only get addicted to drugs or something on those lines that is not true.. there are many things.. people for one.. I know now that baby is one of those things for me... this is what I mean by this... every week I hear from him or get my fix of him and i'm fine.. and I can go 1 to 3 days and still be fine... but by that forth day I start to get this sinking feeling.. by the 5th.. it like I am a fiend.. and I need my fix.. and cause he is a person I get mad at him that he is not feeling that same way... but by the 6th day I start to come off of it.. now don't get me wrong that want is still there big time and if I look at the the chat log or a pic he sent me and something that is his.. it like geting a flash back on him... but I can control that sinking.. than obsessing feeling and be reg again.. my other boys help in that.. like tommy he helps big time.. but that need is still there pushed away for a time.. but it can flare fast

if he is gone 7days.. I even try to resist for a min that wanting... I know where it will go...

I wonder is that what its like for my subs is that what it feels like?.. I'm sorry I had no idea.. but on that upside I do try to be here for you I really do....but I will give you all credit... for being strong... cause if I could just go to my baby I would.. I am the kind of person that for this I would do what I have to do... he had only to ask... but he won't I know why he won't.. but I still want him to ask

what most of my boys don't know is that most of that time I try very very hard not to be overly emotional... on anything... I take weird pride in that fact I can hide them very well.. and that I can deal with things without seeming very emotional about it.. that libra in me.... we like to run everything via thought not feelings..librar are air signs after all air is the mind.. but ones sun sign is only one part of whoa person is... if you want to know how a person really is... how thier passion runs look at the venus.. and their hidden emotions look at the rising... and moon.. that will tell you so much.... my rising or ascendent is virgo... if you know any thing about them that will tell you a lot.. earth sign.. can hide a lot hell of a lot but is deep.. my moon is gemini which is why I can seem like two at once... but my venus that is in Leo Queen bee *grin* I think I will post next on that what each plant means