What I am Listening to: fucking christmas music.. I am going to kill my co-work one day
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9:11 pm

great this is just great on top of everything else my sister made me feel like crap. my mother is going out of town and like me doesn't get paid to monday.. where is she going.. NYC.. and didn't tell me cause I would have liked to go for many many reasons.. but she made me feel like crap cause I didn't have any money to lend my mom... with she sorry promise to pay me back which she wouldn't.. but I really don't have it... then she ask me if I would over draw my account.. I like hun when is my account not over drawn... if I do that more I will have no money for xmas not that I really need any.. but cause she made m feel like crap for not doing it all cause she how got paid today didn't go to the bank like her promised our mother....

you know what is funny in the movie "The Secretary" she use to cut herself and most of my BDSM didn't really get that part the why of it.. but I did.. and in that movie the guy gets it half right... sometimes that pain inside is so great you just want a way to let it out.. but there is no comfort in watching it heal.. none at all

as my favorita chararite Anita Blake say:"Love sucks. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes it's just another way to bleed."