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5:08 pm

well New Years eve was ok not exciting just ok.. today was better... not that I didn't have fun, I did I got to see matty and and shock him with my body change that was worth it.. just to see his mouth drop open.. he gave me a great smelling candle.... I love candles.. and a book on fantasies.. which was really interesting... my think his lover is a bit.. how you say it...not worried.. but unaproving of my lifestyle choice.. and Ithink he really doesn't like that fact that matty is fascinated by it... in fact I think if matty wasn't in a commited relationship it would be very interesting indeed.. he would have to overcome someof him shyness with me... no I don't mean as my lover.. matty is gay and will never be that... but some how I think he would love to join me in some of my games.... and I think his lover worries over it... I am what I am... I think that part that bother him most is that fact that he (the lover) likes me as a person just not what I do...

which reminds me that in talking to a few many have a weird view of what the lifestyle is like for those of who are more in the open.. many think its like awingers and its not like that at all.. I would say that there is some cross over in that some swingers are also BDSM people.. but the way we all get today is very very different...

with swingers it is about the sex...BDSM if you go to most any club in that US ther is no pentration allowed... not at a open to the public party.. thing can get very sensual... but there are more rules.. and most posers show themsevles by not knowing that rules... but I also find that many who play heavy in private and never go to club don't really know what its like either.. and cause they don't really know they have this fear of it.. thinking they might run into someone you know.. which is funny cause if you do why would they say anything.. you saw them too... but there are many that hide this side of themselve.. that clubs and party is the one place you don't have to hide.. and no matter how famous you are or important no one is going to tell your secret.. to do so is to be black-balled.. and it not that big a world in BDSM you really don't want that... but people over all are so scred of themsevles their desires... I never get how some can think they are intimate with someone but not really share the core of who they are...

some wonder why I only deal with or date or have romantic leaning with only submissives.. cause I never ever want to hide my core self from those I am intimate with and I don't want them hiding from me