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7:15 pm

I have been having very stranger dreams of late two were in NYC but but the last one was about the alien robot who came to earth to judge us, but she did so like old witches or fairies do in stories by tricking us, my best friend said it sounded like some weird lifetime TNT kind of movie.. it freaked me out totally woke up at 4am had a hard time getting back to sleep, no Idea what it means and I am not sure I want to know,,, as for this week I did get some play time is wax play that is with t-girl...and no I didn't have sex with her I could have, but I didn't and to be honest I not fully sure why I didn't its been a long time.. and I did want to, but I didn't.. but then I don't have sex as easy as a lot of people thing I do.. maybe I am just getting old or maybe I am just not as out there as I seem sometimes.. not cause it matters to anyone but myself,

well I not know that this feeling of sadness that comes over me sometimes is my hormones just fucking with me.. it still sucks.. but I guess I will live... I have nothing else better to do.. heathen that I am I will be working that holiday.. as I don't eat easter dinner I don't really eat ham... and my family no longer invites me to things.. they just forget so I have been told...

I have been thinking about getting a second job.. mainly cause I think I have way too much time on my hands.. and my addiction to reality TV is getting out of control.. but its like they are trains wreaks Ican't stop watching them...

I had a long chat with tommy I know I have not talked to him in a long while and I wanted to talk about the Ball we were going to, which is pretty much the only reason I am going to NYC now... and I brought up the issue that I pretty much tell everyone before I meet them for the first time... it will be a reg meeting, no Doming, no sex, just two people meeting.. I lot of people don't believe me when I tell them this.. and I have been started to get the feeling of late that they get very disppointed when they meet me cause i'm really very reg, I tend to wear jeans most of the time skirt if its warm and not windy, I also tend to be nervous which comes out as me talking too much about nothing.. this doesn't mean I'm not a good Dom, I want people to see me as a reg person which I am first and foremost.. but tommy point out that no matter what most men are going to still want the Dom to just pop out.. he said even he...I guess I can't win on that one.. but I did decide I wasn't really looking for a sub anymore