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7:28 pm

Song of the day: Shadowboxer- Fiona Apple

I have realized of late that I am a very emotionally demanding person, I think I have always been this way, always needing those I love to "Tell" me that I am still special to them. I know that can drive some crazy cause I find ways to ask the same question over and over in a million different ways. I find I am starting to do that a bit with my subs as well, I know I am driving a few crazy with this.

I will let you in on a little secret if I do this to you, I fear losing you

Why would I fear that you ask? cause I am human, and I like any other have had my heartbroke so many times it seems taped together at best.

Some would say then why keep doing it, taking that risk? Because life is a risk and the only way to live fully is to be out there and take that risk over and over, and hope that I can get a bit back what I give out.

I have found out of late that everyone has both a Dom-side and a sub-side some are stronger in one than that other or deeply feel both. I walked a few steps in the other shoes not to long ago, it asked of me as a kind of challenge at the time I think, but I said yes to it for two reasons. 1. cause the person who asked it of me is someone I love and 2. I was very curious

I learned a lot in that short time in the shoes of other side. Subbing is not as easy, it takes a lot of trust to give over to another person (I still don't think I sub very well) and I think some subs need to think it over long and hard in choosing who they sub to. It is very intimate. Also I think the reasons for subing and Doming for some not all) are not that different it is what role you choose to play

I am a Dom because I wish , no I need to be the center of someone emotional and sexual world, and in return for that I take care of my subs needs I control them, fulfil them, and doing so controling that knowing what I do how I do it fills the need in them brings me so much pleasure.

I know some would say that is kind of Sub, and that is their choice to think so, but I think that as a Dom if you don't meet the needs of your subs or even bother to find out what those needs are you won't have any subs at all

In my few steps in the sub shoes I found I can't be sub I can't get what I need from being a sub my needs can't not be met

what I can be from time to time is a Bottom I can let someone Top me, but I can't not be truely submissive

This is what I learned from my time in sub shoes