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11:14 am

well another day has gone by.. are things getting easier? yes and no

I don't know so much if things are getting easier or I am just learning how to deal with it

I remember the last time I felt this deeply for someone I went all the way to China for them, only to have my heart ripped out then too.. well on that plus side, all I did was fight with that guy, it was very firey *grin* I remember that part fondly, and I did get to see China, I even met his girlfriend... who wierdly enough adored me, she had a thing for Americans, he was Aussie

but I have seen NY, and he didn't ask in anycase.....maybe I will go to London like one of my online pets has been begging, I still have my passport from that China thing, and he is willing to buy my ticket.... in fact I have to stop him from buying things for me he has already brought me two leather skirt and corset..... he really want to buy me a white mink... that boy has way too much money.....and I own too many, but I don't use people like that, money doesn't mean happiness..If some one ask me I if I had the choice between winning the lottery or having puppy back for good.... I would take puppy

but that is not going to happen,,and I don't have that choice

I have to be very careful with my fave or J as I think I will call him now in here,..... I don't want to turn to him in my grief... I do have deep feelings for him, but to turn to him now would be in the shadow of puppy and that is not fair to him, he deserves more than that,....tho I admit I am leaning on his friendship a lot right now... and that is all he is being right now

he is sweet to call me last night from london (yes he is british too) and talk to me for an hour,it helps to have someone say how wonderful they think you are, when one is low

but yes I am doing better

I will have to sell the red rhinestone collar I had gotten for him

or maybe I will just give it away.. I can't keep it