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7:21 pm

ok I have been thinking about it

oh I still mad, but it is not the red hot anger of before

but what I have been thinking about is why my family sometime treats me like I am the youngest and not the oldest and as the idea came to me I ran around this book (I work in a library so that happenes) "Reconceiving Women" by Mardy S. Ireland.. is is about women that aren't mothers, for what ever reason.. and I think that is why, both of my sisters think that they know oh so much more than me cause the have kids, this is not true, life is life, but I think they think this, plus the fact I don't really share with them any details of my life, so they think they know, they don't they don't know I am bisexual, they don't know I am a Domme.. and they don't really face the fact that I am really and truly a pagan heart and soul...but I am not really an adult to them cause I don't have any kids, and I think they rest of my family not so much agrees with them but it is an mind set, and that I fought against the group mind set make me the one that is wrong.

Well I guest I will just have to be wrong.. and sad to say they think they don't really know now what is going on they have not seen the future, and that is not anger talking, but I don't let others dictate to me, even my house guests, did nothing without me letting them go it, no matter how much I bitched about it, but to take away my choice like I have none, to treat me like I was on drugs and need an intervention...(mind you my dad is on drugs, and not one of them visit him when he is in rehab but me) but did any of them did this to my sister, when that guy she was with was beating her and she didn't say but we all knew, NO, so why do they feel they can do it to me?

when all I had was house guests.,... cause they smother me... when I planned my trip to China all they did when plan behind my back how to stop me from going..yeah they really did that..

some would say I am lucky for having a family that loves me that much.. but that is just it, they don't really it is not done out of love, cause they don't care that I walk alone at night, cause I have no ride, if I ask for a ride home, all I get is talk about how far I live...I don't go to family gathering anymore, if I can help it... and for the most part they don't even remember to tell me... that only one who does think to is of course My Mother, she is the one who helped me evited that rest of my family from my house this afternoon, she is the one, who will drive me home when it so cold...

I am not saying my family is any different from any other, I don't know that, but I do know I am too much of a Domme to put up with it, and it is spring and it is time to clean house, all of it from top to the bottom... cause if my family really knew me they would run screaming into the night, telling me what a freak I am..

Fuck them!