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9:36 pm

you know I think I have scared myself well and truly.. I don't want to care for anyone, no one new that is

the one that came back is puppy btw, though I am not all that sure that he is really back.... but I know why I let him back although my mentor will be mad that I did, but I let him back cause he was safe, weird huh, but he is... I know the worst about him.... and he knows a lot about me, some I told him, some he guessed... everyone I deal with face to face they don't want anything from me, emotionally that is, so that makes them safe too in another way

i'm not sure when I got so fucking emotional... my best friend even she told me she didn't realized I was hurt when puppy left, cause I acted like it was any other day.. gee I didn't know I was that good at hiding things

it fucking hurt like hell when he left, Was I suprized that he went? no, but it hurt so much when you went....

cause it easier to lock things away inside than to feel them....

I know my place in that world

i'm and just the fantasy, the Mistress

sometimes I am not even real to myself