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8:58 am

ok I love Fall.. the the leaves changing color and all that wind blowing.... or maybe its just that I got to chat with most everyone yesterday and was trancing my little heart out... maybe...

I do wish one of them would visit me just once.... but I won't hold my breath on that one, lets just see if anyone can remember Sweetest day on the 18th but I doubt that too.. so I guess it will be just me and ivy again (my cat) I think I will buy her a nice treat at least she will know I care....

Tommy thanked me for posting the story yesterday.. then he became his normal smartass self... I think he should really think about going Pro smartass he could be a contender....

but it was sweet of him to thank me... and I do like talking with him even with his amateur standing *grin*

then there is puppy... who I think reads me the best as a Domme and we just click over all, there is a really great flow between us.. and he is so submissive I just want him chained to my wrist, he is after all my puppy....

now that is not to say that tommy isn't a sub even with his smartass mouth.. well not sub, slave really, almost a male Gor slave.. you gotta love the combo

then there is Spin... who is like a wolf.. he is smartass like tommy but too new and doesn't know the rules... but more agressive in his submission... he tends he be jealous.. which is hard not to feed into at times.. but I try very hard not to do that... but I must admit I love that he thinks I am something to be jealous over

then there is Dave who is really more friend now than anything else cause as he says he lives on that other side of the pond.. I just love the way he talks he is from derby England.. and I don't always understand all of his slang which is out there sometimes... but of all of them he understands my heart the most and the way I think.. not sure how he does it but he always sees what I hide from most others, and to him its as plain as day.. and he has all this lovely long blond hair I just want to play in *grin*

then there is jon the actor.. who of anyone calls me as much as puppy does and like puppy to him I am like one of the most beautiful women he knows, and just like puppy never fails to tell me.. it was jon that got me started in hypno.. dave calls him Mr. Posh, which I can't say isn't true jon is very BBC British and very submissive but he tries to hide it

then there is one I don't talk about much I don't think any of the other boys I talk to know of him either, I talk to them about each other but not about this one...

I think cause of all of them I think of him as the least of fully mine but in truth he might be that one that truely is mine.. I never know with him he name is ben he calls me a lot too is the very sub, and the most jealous... thinks I'm the perfect woman (I have agrued that one... he is the one that want to be tattooed as a sign of my ownership when he calls me he almost cums as the sound of me just saying hello to him

why do I think he isn't really mine? cause the rest I know them, I know their lives the problems, the joys .. I know when puppy is happy when something goes right with his practice, or when spin is sad over something or when Dave is trying to puzzle out a problem and just needs to relax, and even tommy who has been working on his book and jon if he doesn't get a part I hold his hand and tell him how wonderful he really is and they just could see it the Bastards! *smile*

but ben I know somethings but it doesn't feel that same or maybe it just that I know he doesn't really see me as a real person that way the others do

they know I get sick and mad and lonely and goofy and silly and horny or just in the mood where I want attention or even when I want them to tease me....

I have never met any of them face to face, but I know they are all my friends.... and I'm not sure if it is a good thing or a bad thing that they next to my best friend Matty (who I do know face to face) are now my longest maintained relationships with men... on one level that really worrys me

my poor spin who is jealous worrys about sharing me... which is funny cause I do share him.. but that is a man for you *grin*

Dave and I will never be Lovers... but we both know it would be wonderful

tommy I am not so sure about but I know that would be too, but I think we will always be friends first no matter what and I treasure that...

Jon *grin* my flighty actor you never know but I think its more my choice than his so it depends on where I at the time, he is one I am sure I will meet in that next year or so he has been planning it for a long time

Now my puppy ahh he is the one I know I will have one day, and will always be mine no matter what.. he was my first sub and has been mine the longest and no matter where he goes he always comes back even when I think he won't *smile*

Now all the boys read this so I don't want any of you thinking I am comparing you to each other i'm not at all I am really just thinking of all of you and what it is about each of you I like, no I didn't write everything that was in my head somethings I will only tell to you... you are the men I have passions for each in very different ways... each of you I give something of myself to.. you all know me in some ways better than my own family does cause you know that side of me that I only show you and each of you has a piece of my heart and I would like to think that I have a piece of yours