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5:54 pm

ok I have been trying to write this entry for thre times now I am writing it fist in notepad so at the computer does something dum and I don't have to keep reworking that beginning , I mean that is starting to bug me

now I know I was whining that I didn't really want to go the the demo on wax play cause I didn't want to go and not have a good time... I have never been so glad to be so wrong I have a great time and the demo was wonderful that DIVA has a new skill I now know enough about wax play to do it.. I can't wait to get a chance to cover someone in it.. I also know how to do it safe way... I always wanted to try it .. and I might have but what I had in my head and the real safe way to do it were not that same so I'm very glad I went, cause now I do know...I need to add to my toy bag now *GRIN*.

I talked to matty today he didn't know about all the different kind of play that were in that lifestyle.. well I had to clue him in on that one, I think I shocked me a little... nah.... he says I like it cause it gives me another reason to shop for stuff... no, but there is that too *grin* well that one that I wanted to my boys to know about is not something I talk about too much to them cause I know over all it can make a sub nervous... I know I have been talking so much about how puppy have new fetishes coming out I have never fully tried out all of my own....a big one I have is knife play.. I mean I really love them.. playing with them.. and last night I got to see some of the ways they can be used in play.. (you see I know of it had never seen it done) but I now I think when I finish redoing my website my kinds of play will be listed knife play can even be use with wax play... I want to do that so badly...both wax anbd knife play... talk about exciting a girl....

I also made a Domme female friend.. that wasn't a pro.. which is a nice change.. I got her email.. one need to talk to other about the same kinds of things from time to time *grin* also there was talk about how things are getting hard for BDSM people in general and that we have one of two courses either go back underground or be like the gay community and come fully out.. I always thought there would never be a reason to come out and not I am not so sure.. in fact I been kind of thinking about it, cause I'm not ashamed of what I do in fact I am very proud of it... i'm not a nut or sick... in fact if the community as whole came out I think he would...but I think I will keep that fact I am bi to myself.. just to be on that safe side.. my mean I am a lot to hate in one person

I'm black

i'm a pagan

i'm bi

and I am a lifestyle person and a Domme at that...

I am really starting to feel like Anita Blake *grin* speaking of in a round about way while at the play party a newbie female paid me the biggest compliment, well it was in my book she was telling all about how this was a first to to anything in that lifestyle... and she asked how do you know if someone is Dom or sub and told her you just ask that is the best way.. and then I said "oh i'm a Domme by the way" and she said "oh I know you give off way too strong a Domme vibe to be anything else" I just looked at her and asked how so.. she said just in that way you talk and act this was a suprize to me. that some could just tell I was.. it explain a bit though on why some sub say "you just have this look"

I also realized that I am rougher than I thought I was not in how I handle sub just over all I alwasy thought of myself as a soft sadist... I'm not that soft.. i'm a a lot more on that hardcore than I thought I was... I think I was just fighting a losing battle on that one I think I will change it to senual sadist instead not a bad ring to it