What I am Listening to: NIN~~"Sin"
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2:49 pm

you know it suprizes me sometimes that the people who diaries I read read mine as well.. I don't know why it does... I guess I think that I am just writing to myself.. but it nice to know that somewhere there is an a ear (or eye) who sees *smile*

thanks...velvetbrian for the lookie look

Well yesterday was way stressful I didn't get to talk to my puppy.. well he is not really puppy anymore as we rarely do that role play game anymore we have moved on to him being a an adult-baby.. which I didn't think I would like doing but oddly enough I enjoy tons more than I ever thought I would... well I didn't get to talk to him and he didn't call me this morning which he tends to do on weds... I know he is probably in court or something.. (he is a lawyer) but he wasn't the source of my stress ..that was spin

he is one of my hypno subs... and in that last last week I have really backed away from him.. not cause I don't enjoy him but cause he has a lot going on in his personal life.. and I felt he needs some space to deal with that... well it seems he has not been very happy with that.. in fact he wants more much much more...not sure what to do with him...the more he wants I could give to him.. but he doesn't understand that what that really means... he just wants me to take it from him to take anything I want.. to just force it from him even love.. and it doesn't work that way... some thing have to be given from him.

some don't realize that me being a Dom is not just something I do it a part of who I am as a person... and can be in part a expression of love... this is not to say that I can't and don't play.. we all do... but there comes a point where it not just play.... the deeper you go the deeper into both people you touch...

that I can touch some via hypno on a super deep level is my gift I know it as such.. I know how powerful it can be.. I know how how to use ones desires to wrap around they and link it to myself.. to blur the line of fantasy....part of that is that it blurs for me as well... I could very well make him love me... I know this.. what he doesn't understand is why I won't just take that from him even though he wants me to...it cause I'm a person and I though I'm a Domme and a Damn good one I might add and.. I still want someone to "WANT" to love me... I don't want to force that... if I do its not real... I know that I am that kind os DOm that wil willingly take over a sub's life.. maybe not 247 but close (no one can really be "on" all the time) but I will, willingly take on that responiblty.. I almost crave that at times... that is what I give to that one that is in my care... but that doesn't mean in just play... that means I be there for everything...for for that I must I ask at least one thing in return the one thing I have to have

that they willingly love me and give me that control...

he says to that if he gives that willingly then why do I use hypno at all... I don't use it to force anyone to my will.. that is not my goal I use hypno like any toy in my toybox... it to deepen that pleasure or the expierence...

So many sub don't really get it.. they asked to be used... but that true is for the most part you don't the ones doing the real work.. i'm not saying that they don't do any work.. but the responiblity of that work doesn't fall to the sub...but as a Dom we feed (for want of a better word) off of the exchange of power but it has to be given just like love have to be given... if I take it.. I don't really have anything do I?