What I am Listening to: NIN~"closer"
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11:50 am

ok ok I'm back, and amazing enough I had a good xmas.. I didn't get to see my best friend matty but he will be up for new Years so we will see how that goes.. I got a small deep freezer from my mom... I know that seems a bit weird for a gift, but I did want and need one so I loved it... and my grandmother left me a gold braclet for that fist xmas after her passing...so I would never forget her..as if I would... but that is all on that or I will cry

I have thought I lot about baby, over the holidays.. I wasn't much in that holiday mood but most of that was just plain hormones... that is a awful way o spend it trust me on that.... but made me think a lot about him....

which reminds me why is it that that men I only chat with off and on always ask me if I have been thinking of them... when they know I have others that are much closer to me.. I never want to hurt their feelings and say no, but that truth is if I only talk to you once a week, then no I am not really going to think of you... plus most of them have no real interest in me... and it shows... I don't mind talking of sex I mean that is one thing that does tend to be on my mind a lot... but to never try to know me as a person hell or even as a Dom.. I not going to be mean.. but I will brush away from you....to be honest only a few can really get away with asking right off in a sub manner for their needs to be met...one cause I am close to them and two they know I still have the right to say no.. but they can ask *smile*.. and they are that ones that I call my boys.. but oddly enough most of them never ask that right off they will wait for me... all but baby... but all of his needs aren't sexual.. and he is my baby after all... I have been reading velvetbrian story... even though his story is not really sexual in nature.. I do get and totally understand that feelings within it.. like that part where he is having a chat with Female Mommy and his worry that life is a bit too perfect and that things are going so great that he is just waiting for the other shoe to drop.. that is like the story of my life that is what I always worry about.. and then I will worry cause that is not worrying me...

but that is not to say I don't think of my other boys... I do even that ones that I don't talk to that much like tommy who is still my boy... but I know they don't really think of me as much as baby does....

well I guess hormone just make me think of my child more