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3:27 pm

Hi Brian

How did I get into the lifestyle?.. well your right I didn't wake up know day and hear a Depeche Mode song and think yeah that could be fun..*grin* in fact I was a huge fan of them before I even really understood what their songs were really about.....in fact in I would say that I had the leaning to it before I ever knew what it was...

Before I got into that lifestyle knowingly and knowing fully what it was I would say I would say I was kinky... I was a virgin til i was 22... most I think cause it just sounded boring to me... then of while in collage, I went to a off-campus party and met a very very bad boy.. not a student.. if I had not had so much to drink and he had not looked like the lead-singer in depeche mode I might have stayed a virgin longer... *grin* and there is a point to all this..... but he was the first guy that ever kissed me and my knees buckled....now you would think that this very very bad boy talked his way into my pants.. but he didn't.... in fact.. I only saw him on a off when I would go off campus for something.. then one night when a groups of girls on my dorm floor were all together talking about what else guys... and being the way too honest soul that I am.. it came out I was one of two virgins... mind you I was older than most of these girls as I started school later not at 18 or 19 like most... and... I didn't really like that.. I didn't like that they all seemed to know some secret that I didn't know.. and so I decided that since VBB (very bad boy) seemed to like me so much.. and could make my knees buckle... and he was cute.. that he would due very well.. I wasn't sure if I should tell him or not... plus I knew I wasn't in love with him or anything.. and I didn't want to be.. i mean.. he was the kind of guy that if I brought him home they would total wig out.. but when I saw him again I decided that I would bring up sex...

I didn't get the respones I thought I would.. it was too funny really.. he was soo shocked... he whispered, " you mean do the nasty?, with me?".. and here I was thinking he was sooo bad and I shocked him with being bold enough to ask... I think it was then I realized that I could be as bold as I liked... he didn't last long in fact I told him about a week after being with him that I wouldn't be seeing him anymore... cause

A. he wasn't serious about me and I knew it

B. he would move on from me in a month

course now that I look back on it he might not have, but I didn't really give he the chance... but I still did know much.. but I had my own ideas.. I started with just want to blindfold them.. could never get anyone at the time to do that.. the whole trust thing... it moved fromthat to wanting to tied them up.. not sure where that idea came from might have been movies or books or tv... but the idea of it excited me.. but.. and I sometimes thing one has to be African american to really get how conservtive we are over all... and I was still mostly going out with Black men.. (the VBB was mixed..) telling blackmen that you wanted to do something like that to them..will label you a freak...(I didn't know that at the time that other people liked that kind of things I liked, I just thought I was weird)...plus I also thought I was ugly.. so to add weirdness on top of that I thought was asking a bit much.... so it pretty much when like this til I was late 20s... I also didn't want to admit I was bi as well....

but around this time I learned about the internet.. and started working in a place where I could be online and started talking on online....and there I met soo many people who were wierd and kinky and didn't think I was a freak...it was one of the few really cool chatrooms back then I still go there every blue moon.. and I met the woman that would become my first female sexual experience..and also my first 3somes *grin*...I'm still friends with her.. but it when on from there.. that I just went farther and farther... and when I was first online 8 or so years ago there were very very few other Black people on.. and the ones that were .. not my kind of people.. it was also from talking to people from all over that I realized that maybe just maybe I wasn't ugly to everyone... and the men and women that I started to talked to just thought I was cool...and the added plus I learn was that cause people were face to face they tended to be more open.. not everyone.... but you learn pick out the liars pretty quick...

but I decide to be just as open.. and just learn about people...and I know that is only part of the reason I am more attracted to non-black people... any way.. it was in chatting that I came across my first out there fetish person.. I didn't know it was called fetish then... I knew of guys that liked feet.. I have small looking feet so I have never thought that guys who like feet as out there... but had the same Job I had but in NYC .. see a theme here in NYC guys *grin*

he liked to be peed on... and yeah I thought that was out there.. but I also wanted to know why he liked it..what was it about it that excited him about it.. I .... ok this will have to be in two parts