What I am Listening to: nothing
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3:37 pm

you know sometime I wonder why and I on a diet at all, I mean there was nothing wrong with my health before hand I didn't have high blood pressure or cholesterol or anything like that granted I wasn't in good shape bodywise but nothing was wrong with my health.. and I Goddess knows oddly enough I have more relationship at a larger size than I do now... so why am doing this.. when all I get is more self consciene about my body... low tolence to cold... and aches and pains when I don't have enough of the righ vitmins in my body.. to look good in clothes that no one but me will see

I think now that only thing that really keeps me going is that fact that I started it and I want to finish it.. maybe I will go back to being big later and have a love life... now granted I am not that skinny now.. and men do look at me more.. but all they do is look for the most part those that do talk to be talked to me before.. now they want a hug.. and I don't hug people I don't really know...

maybe I just have the witer blahs really bad on top of the reg loneliness and then there is the whole touch thing... and I don't mean casual touching I mean affection... I have not had that in years and I miss it a lot