What I am Listening to: sue and the ban..
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8:40 pm

you know sometimes I get the feeling that even though I was told a person wasn't reading something that they are.. I not sure why they told me this.. but I guess I will let them keep their little secrets if it makes them feel better.. I guess we all need to have a little secret of some kind...

do I have any? let me think... I guess I do.. but not the same secret from everyone.. I hide my BDSM from my family but not my friends.. and from my friends.. well there is only one I let read this journal.. why cause if I say or think something not so nice about her I don't want her to know cause she will take it to mean more than just a passing thought.. and yes she has asked to read this, and thinks its not fair that I won't let her but I let my subs... what do I hide from the boys... well that depens on that boy in question... from baby I hide a bit just how deep my feeling go for him.. I let some of that out in here.. but even in here I hold back just how far I would go.. I think out of fear.. from tommy.. well I know tommy reads this like clock work *grin* so I am so not going to give him that, whcih he kinds of knows anyway.. spin.. him I give in to he thinks he over-comes me but its more I give in... jon I hide just how sexual I am.. he sees me a bit of posh.. and I like that so I let him see me that way, clark kent,, ahhh him I keep many a secret from, but he does get me in person which the others don't .. and then there is little ben who I rarely talk about..., he knows me the least...

who knows me the best.. well that is hard one... tommy gets how I think best and my pain... Dave who is only a semi boy he understand how I love better than anyone.... and baby he knows not only my secret desires but he knows my self-doubt better than anyone and reasure me....

sometimes I wonder how he does it, baby, how have has ne to believe in dreams and wishes I know I can't have, but while I am talking with him for a time they become real.. and I think just maybe if I wish hard enough I can have it.. but then after he is gone the real world comes crashing in and breaks my heart for wishing so hard for a impossible dream to come true