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10:16 am

well today is another Monday, and still no baby, you know I have thought many things of him in that past 2 years, that he was sweet and loving, submissive, yet strong, smart and gentle.. but I am learning he is cruel and selfish.

for all that I can be a Demading Dominant I would never just leave a sub, without word or warning.. and no matter what I was going though even a death of a family member, would I just leave them to wonder what had happened to me...I wouldn't do that to my friends, much less my lovers.. yet and not just baby but more than a few sub feel its ok at do that to me, to just leave and not talk no word to let me know they are ok, when they know I have grown close to them...

it tells me they don't thik of me as a person who has feelsings, who can be hurt by the thoughtlessness of others.

Don't get me wrong we all need time to ourselves.. and sometimes no matter how strong our desires are we need to take a break from them.. but that doesn't mean you just up and leave with no word or thought to the other person.. if you going to leave someone, that very very least you can do is say goodbye...

i'm not sure what it is about me that makes people abandon me.. I mean I can understand if they just want to go or don't even want me anymore but to just abandon me.. I don't understand that...

once twice even three time.. but it has happened to me so many times I have lost count... I must have some horrible flaw in me that only those that claim to love me can see...

there is nothing I can really do about it *sigh* but just wait for that next time it happens... and it will maybe for once I will see it coming