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6:12 pm

ok no I am not getting the piercing done for baby, I want the piercing I have wanted it for a long time... but I like all of my piercings to mean something, an yes I have two others.

my navel was for my best friend matty a bonding thing we both had and got before most others were doing it much and the the left nipple is fro my other best friend nita she has both of her done... the lip piercing is dedicated to baby...why well I have many ups and downs in the lifestyle.. and after my intro into it via a long term relationship, that left me totally unsure of myself in everyway.. and I spent 6 months just reading about the lifestyle cause dispite everything I still knew this was something I liked and wanted... but I didn't know about playing with a sub... I didn't really think about finding one.. I didn't think I knew enough.. and my last relationship ending with me not feeling very good about myself.. thanks to a lot of mind games.... so I stared playing online, with just women at first cause they were safer emotionally, I was planning to stay pretty much bisexual for a good long while...then along came baby, he wasn't baby then he was puppy.... and he just gushed over me, I had never had a man do that before, not like that... not like I was something to be worshiped... yeah I know what your thinking.. your a Domme don't they want to be worshiped?

one I was still a baby-Domme at the time and I was emotionally raw after my last bf stopped sleeping with me and would tell me why, and then started telling me how much he didn't really like my body...

and here was baby..gushing.. and I though maybe I need to give you a better pic of me cause he is not getting it... he will go away like most when he sees how I really look... then he will stop.. so I was very very honest... and he didn't care, he still thought I was beautiful.. I never told him but I cried... cause I wanted to believe him.. I didn't but I wanted to I didn't trust him or what he said for a long time but after a few months I gave him my phone number... and he called me.. and i could hear it in his voice... he would get all tongue tired talking to me, I was stunned

talking to me did that? I wasn't anyone, not really.. I mean I was always the sort of wallflower.. I didn't get asked to parties.. I was a clubkid at gay bars cause gay men no offence will dance with anyone... and I was a reg so everyone knew me...I mean my own father told me that if and I mean if I lost 50 pound I might be pretty.. ok not his words but that is what it sounded like to me...then came the real shocker.. he showed me his picture...and I was just stunned that this drop-dead-gorgeous man thought "I" was beautiful? he must be on drugs... then I learned to play (BDSM) he helped me learn...but all the while I thought he is going to leave me.. cause everyone does... and he did.. I was so mad when he did, cause I wanted to think he was different.. and he told me he was leaving me for someone else.. now part of that was my own fault I know that I pushed him away... and it was a few months and I sent him a email cause I missed him.. and he came back so eagerly I was shocked yet again and I let myself dream this time I forgot the other shoe always falls for me but oh it was so wonderful before it dropped

and it did... I found out about she-who-made-him (you have to read anita blake books to get this nickname) that was a fucking big shoe.. I think he he thought I would be gone after finding this out... if it had of been that first time he leave that I knew he is right I would have been it...

but let me tell you a little something about black women.. . once we really get to that place... it take a fucking lot.. I mean a LOT!... having a girlfriend or a wife won't do it and if you don't believe me look at whintney Houton.. not that I would let me man hit on me..*grin* I am the one that gives the beatings...

but you get my point...

ok I know I am acting like me died.. he didn't but I feel like I am in mouning all the same... the piercing is in his name... my angel... a little red stone...my first real subbie