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1:19 pm

ok tommy spend a lot of time cheering me up which was nice of him, i'm not really depressed.. but I feel as if U have been put back on a shelf til someon is ready to play with me again.. and it makes me nervous of those that do want to play, cause I know that all they really want, not really me, and I don't want to get attatch to anyone else only to find one of the many things that always seem to happen to me

A. they don't really want me.

B. they only want to use me.

C. I can't really have them.

I was re-reading my favorite books and the main herione was ever so worried that she would fail those counting on her.. and but found out that its not caring not giving a damn is that worst thing one can do

this is agree that worst thing one can do to anyone.. I think a lot of the time when I get to feeling very down its cause I think not one really cares about me.. and even when they do, I know it won't last or it only goes so far... or I think its worst at times that someone will have me believe for a min that maybe I mean something.. but then I put back in my place and I think to myself, you were so dum to think any of that was for you.. you should know better you don't get things like that.

you know what is really funny/ that no matter how hard I try I can't quite kill that little part of me that hopes that just once I will be that one that wins.. you would think that I would not hope for such things since not once have I ever won... oh well one day I will learn