What I am Listening to:
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5:17 pm

something happened the other day... I lost control... oddly I don't think that person that pushed me to this lost knew that I did, but then again maybe he does til to get things when I don't think he does.. I didn't think he could push me in such a way.. but he tapped into the one thing that up until this point only one other had ever gone into.. and that was bodybuilder guy... and even he never made me lose control...

But maybe I am being too hard on myself and giving him too much credit... he tapped into my sadistic side... that is a side of my I keep a tight hold on mainly cause I don't want to hurt anyone and that is a big button for me BB-guy has tapped into it the most mainly cause he can take it but even on him I don't totaly let go of everything.. but when I lost control I did.. granted it was on that phone and very very safe... but i'm glad he wasn't with me...but that time will come again when he is...

Granted I'm a very in my head kind of person.. and I know more than a few think I am not very verbal when I Dom... which is not totaly true.. I am just not verbal with everyone there are some I am very verbal with.. if you want me to call you names then I tend not to be as that is not my thing...but some...

He pushed me so far that even when he told me he had to go and hung up it took me a few mins to realized he was gone.. now of course he know who I am talking about.. I was in a daze for about an half hour after

I am always telling him to because of what he asked for, I don't think I will tell him this anymore I have never been so far into my own head space.. he always asks for more I have a hard time not giving in to him...I think he has been warned for the last time