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6:59 pm

you know sometimes I really wonder what is wrong with me and why do people see everything about that but the thing that are really there...

I had this chat with baby today and he was worried about being the kind of sub I really need.. he thinks that just cause I like SM things and he doesn't really like them which is not wholely true that he is not good enough..I mean yes I like spanking a lot and flogging which is funny most will take spanking over a flogging and a flogging is softer

you know that first time I ever saw someone do heavy SM I got off on it but most don't know why it wasn't the pain I got off on it was his reaction to it it was this 50 somethings guy and the look on his face as he was caned it wasn't even very hard it was like first the sting and then this look of such pleasure..

I told baby I was worried about hurting him and he tool that to mean that I want more and more pain, it doesn't I worry cause he throws himself into the pleasure of things and I worry about him telling me to stop I worry that he might not tell me to.. and that is both a turn on a big worry...

But if one asked bodybuilder guy I don't lose it he has to ask for more each time not in scene before I will do it..its not the giving pain its that getting a reaction...

I know I worry about not stopping I should have never told him that cause its not really true. I had the same feeling about hypnosis I was 100x more addicted to doing that so much more..

Doing hypnosis is my fetish SM isn't.. I can cum without even touching myself doing hypnosis that kind of power was...addictive... and I cut myself off from it for a while cause I realized that if the person I was doing didn't really care about me it was all a lie and I was just a different kind of whore