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4:58 pm

I just got a note from charminggirl on about me being a sadist, In her opinion I am one and she reminded me that there are many shades of it from light to extreme

this all started cause baby said he didn't think he was enough of a sub for me cause he is not an extreme masotist.. and in all honesty it made me panic... on more than one level one that I was going farther into that than I even wanted to go and yes that does worry me cause its not a place I want to go into in the extreme... and the other was that he and I will admit that he is my fave was looking for a way out and...he really has no idea how much I worry about everything

But she reminded me, I am a soft sadist yes can I enjoy someone pain yes.. but only if they enjoy receiving it... but no one and I mean no one match anyone in all of their likes and I wouldn't want any sub that did, cause that would be boring...

how did this all come up? well I was talking to baby on the phone and we were having a heavy phone session in most of our sessions I do most of the talking and not I am not panting and such cause I can't do that and talk at the same time some can I can't... this doesn't mean I don't enjoy myself *grin* I do.. in fact I can do it and not make a damn sound, this does mean I don't let go all that way.. I can't and stay verbal...but it doesn't mean I don't let go at all.... but this day I let him do the talking and I was able to let go in the full sense of the word and in his frenzied talking he started to talk of light CBT and I got off on it.

this is what is unfair about that, one I didn't bring it up he did.. so I enjoyed it... but that doesn't mean I want to do that with everyone I have played with in fact I have only done it once and trust me I was so worried about really hurting him it was super super light, and to be honest I don't think I could do more than light in that area.. cause that would be cutting off one's nose inspite of the face...doing that in the extreme would make a guy useless in that area... and I never ever would want that...but to claim I am more extreme cause I got off on it is a bit much

But before anyone starts baby bashing I think he really just wanted to be re-assured of his place with me...

but this whole thing on that I want a string of subs does bug me cause to be honest just keeping up with baby take most of my attention, i'm just one person I have a high drive but come on...and the other thing this thing of late where sub have been offering to just be my slave no reg sex just going down on me...what in the hell is that shit?...

no I don't have sex with random people but I am not going claim someone as mine and not have sex with them.. what kind of women have these men been dealing with?.. I love sex a lot! and I won't have a sub that I can't have sex with and just for the record

I don't have a relationship outside the lifestyle

what does that mean? submissives own or in trainning by DIVA = being her boyfriend of a fashion